Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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