I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
