Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
