I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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