do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
