I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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