Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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