thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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