apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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