Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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