I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
