"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
