Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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