I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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