six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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