Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
