made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
