Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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