Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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