i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
