I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize