i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
