no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
