call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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