I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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