why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
