Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
