All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
