Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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