so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
