Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
