Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
