they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
