I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
