i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
