dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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