why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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