we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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