...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize