I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
