You made me cry and you don't even care
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
