is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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