So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
