Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize