I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
