windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
