I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
too bad you live with your parents still
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
