My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
