At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
