he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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