Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
