i wish my penis had a tongue
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
