Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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