Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
