So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
