I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think my moral compass just broke
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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