yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
