Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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