thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
