Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize