I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
