Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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