"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
