Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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