she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
