So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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