I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize