I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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