We won't sleep together?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
