I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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