either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
