is wine microwaveable?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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