hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
