I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
