Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
