Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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