Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
