That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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